Posts (page 2)

You've been warned.  Read at your own risk!  Last week, I started taking fish oil and flax seed oil capsules.  On Sunday.  On Monday morning, I went to work and peed and literally knocked myself off my feet.  The smell!  Good Lord, what happened in here?  The kids aren't even here yet and this place smells horrible!  Like old coffee grounds and something dead.  ugh.  On Wednesday, I came home and thought, "holy shit" the cat peed in my bed...and it smells like.... old coffee grounds and a dead fish?  wait a minute...have you ever tried to smell your own crotch while standing up?  nice mental image...well, I got a faint odor of ... yup, old coffee grounds and fish.  completely disgusting.  So, for the past two days, I've been wearing a scented panty liner and that seems to be helping, plus my body seems to be getting used to the capsules, so less stink.

Why would anyone submit to this?  Well, supposedly, these pills are MIRACLE workers, I tell you.  They help depression (got that) high blood pressure (occasionally got that, especially at the doctors, where they check those things, heart palpitations (yup, got those) and joint paint (when riding my bike)...so we'll see.  It's also supposed to help with abdominal fat (definitely got that).  I would smell like a decaying dog if I could melt away some abdominal fat. 

In other news of aging and body decay, I broke a tooth during snack time at preschool on a freaking animal cracker!  A back tooth, which apparently was being held together by about 16 different fillings.  So, they ground it down, ground the area around my tooth to little shredded bits of bloody gum and jammed an ill fitting temporary up there.  I come home and immediately start the "what if it's going to hurt later, it IS hurting, it IS later, and bingo the phone rings.  Can I come back in now, they forgot something.  Uh oh, so back in I go, they pry off the temporary, scrape off all the cement, OUCH, more novocaine, than take a wonderful impression where I swear all my teeth felt like they were being hauled out at the end and then jammed that temporary BACK in.

Now I have a nice ulcer in my gums.  lovely. 

So, why do I have tons of "baby fat" around my middle and have grandma teeth at the same time?  I am a delight to live with right now.

A freaking delight!

However, it is snowing, so hopefully tomorrow I can post pics of that.

If you've read this at all...you'll know...I am a doctor PHO (phobic).  I used to know a woman who wouldn't go to the dentist and I thought she was loony.   Well, look who's loony now!  My last woman's yearly was six years ago after an excruciating pregnancy, which had lots of half assed medical intervention. So, on Friday, after weeks and weeks and weeks of talk therapy, EMDR (don't ask), visualization, and positive thoughts I went to the doctor.  She did not pronounce me dead on arrival.  She did not feel anything unusual.  She didn't see anything unusual in my blood tests, other than that I have unbefreakinglievalbe good levels of cholesterol.  Which hands down proves, that diet does not have jack shit to do with cholesterol.  Anyway.  I made it.  out.  alive.  With a prescription for a mammogram (next step) and for the dermatologist (moles, rosacea, etc.)

So, both my therapists said I need to celebrate.  Something just for myself.  and I can't think of anything except for a pedicure, but since no one sees my toes right now, I'm thinking not.  So, anyone got a good idea for a celebration that does not involve a tattoo?

I've posted a LOT, some would say ad nauseum, about my hopeless job situation and my current boss.  Well, one of the teachers had a small "invitation only" luncheon recently, which was lovely, but it quickly went from polite inquiries, to questions, to gossip, to slander, all the way down to tears.  At one point, I posed the following question.  Here we are, five very intelligent and competent grown-ass women who are scared to death of one other woman.  Why?  The quick answer comes down to the fact that she's the boss, and we don't have an HR department to go to.  We don't even have a board representative from the church to come down and sit in on meetings (which i think should happen).  Everyone voiced their fears of "not getting a good referral" WHEN (not if) they leave.  I was really mad.  It was like tearing blinders off the others to get everyone to realize that we don't need a referral from her, we need referrals from each other, from the parents whose children we are teaching, or from the other professionals who come in and out of our classrooms.

We decided to start small, and bring up one item for discussion per staff meeting.  I asked the group to e mail me their one item. I think we are up to about 25 now.  This ship is sinking.  I KNOW I'm not the only one out there who works for someone completely incompetent.  I question whether she has some memory issues.  I question whether she has a heart!  Why are we so afriad of conflict?  She's reduced me to tears a number of times, and it's a horrible feeling!  Does she realize this?  Does she feel bad?  Should I care?

Recently I've been getting a lot of outside affirmations about my skills as a special educator and that I should be working someplace where those skills will be utilized.  Which has improved my confidence.  However, is it going to take someone going bat-shit insane on this woman for everyone to get their heads around the fact that she's an incompetent, inappropriate leader?

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yup.  We went back to Disney.  We took the girls in 2007 for Halloween and Lola has not stopped talking about it.  This time we went on a three day disney cruise followed by two days at the Grand Floridian and one day actually in the park at Disney World.  The park portion we got a great deal on, since they are really giving money off to military families right now.  I think that those last two days were my favorites of the trip.  I hadn't "planned" the heck out of them, and the Grand Floridian was one of those hotels that you stay in once in a lifetime.  I never expected to be sitting out on the beach, making smores at a campfire and watching a movie.  Or, swimming in a heated pool, then getting out and lying in the sun.  I'm not a sun person at all, so the fact that it was hovering just about 80 was perfect for me, not too hot.  I think because we focused on this trip as a family trip made it really nice.  We each picked one thing from the hundreds to do each day, and did that.  It was nice.  I had motion issues, so didn't really eat a lot, which I'm missing now.  At the time, I was saying, are you serious?  you want me to eat WHAT?  Now???  I'm skinnier than when I left.  Who can say that after a food orgy?  We really also enjoyed the "Disney Island".  Waaaaaay back in 2003 when Bob came home from Iraq, we went on a Hawaiian cruise and they too had an "island" though it was inhabited by locals.  (I think it was Royal Carribbean or Norwegian that we went on)  This was a bad experience.  Imagine all these poor locals meeting a boat full of fat, white, rich people who marched right on by them and their wares and flopped down in the sand and gorged themselves full of burgers.  It was very depressing.  I bought some Christmas ornaments there, had a dip and shamefacedly got back on the ship.  I later learned that others had researched ahead and brought school supplies and things for the kids.   I only wish I had done that.  The Disney Island is only inhabited by a small crew of Disney Employees.  Ava got her hair braided.  Lola actually put her toes in the sand.  Bob sailed on a catamaran.  Mom kept the family and the bags together and basically made sure everyone had sunblock on.  The ocean itself was cold.  I did put my feet in.  We got back on board early, had the "tween" pool to ourselves, got in-WARM-and watched High School Musical.  That was fun.  We also got to see the new Adam Sandler movie onboard...bedtime stories...which the girls liked and the tone was just right; not too goofy or crazy.  A good little kid movie.  Now we're home and I am waiting for the snow.  I also need some motivation to start making some valentine ornaments for my white mini tree that I kept out just for that.  I'm sure it will turn into an easter tree after that.  who can spell pagan?

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I was enamored with the magazine Artful Blogger.  I found my beloved Posy through that magazine.  Which led me to Hey Lucy, and Under a Blue Moon, just to name a few.  So, I was distressed to read that in the Winter 2009 edition of the magazine, they had a section of what constitutes an "Artful Blog".  Apparently I fall under the "who wants to read a whiner" category.  Well.  This gave me quite a conundrum.  I actually stopped blogging for a bit.  I had to mull this over.  I admit this blog started because a quilting friend recommended a blog to me.  Then I went off the hook and started blogging about my own life, in a way that usually tells it like it is, without brooches, and birds; lace and linens; dolls and doorknobs.  Okay, I was mad that I wasn't Artful Blogger material.  Blogging is strange.  I don't know why I do it-although I think it is a helpful, harmless way to get stuff out of my mind and moving along.  So, I'm writing this submission to let go of all the angst I'd been feeling against the (probably very nice folks at Artful Blogger) who don't want me to ever be in their magazine.  I'd be good for a magazine called: it's a blog, blog, blog world.  Or Who Cares? It's all blog to me!  Something stupid like that.

We just returned from a whirlwind trip to the bahamas for three days and a lovely resort in Florida for 2 days.  Sounds magnificent doesn't it?  Now I'll ruin it for you with one word.  Disney.  Immediately ruins the image for you doesn't it?  When I recover I'll post.  It wasn't all Mickey Mouse and It's a small world.  We actually had a nice family time.  My girls decided the ONLY way to live was on a cruise ship with pull down bunks, which hide during the daytime. 

I'm over Christmas, beyond our surprise vacation, and beginning to think Valentine's day and the much anticipated, long dreaded doctor's appt. which takes place Feb. 13th.  So, after a lot of sleep, I'll post all of that.  None of it will be interesting to Artful Blogger.  (every time I type Artful Blogger, they get some kind of google alert...so read on Artful Blogger! 

Okay, Lola is the child of phases.  She's had all of them.  The screaming baby phase.  The "it's teething" phase, all the way up through, "she's shy" phase and one of my favorites, "refusing to have her hair combed" phase.   We're currently working our way through a few phases.  The longest standing so far is going to Target makes her HAVE to go to the bathroom.  I don't know the connection between bargain shopping, and her bowels, but every single time we go, she goes.  Which is a miracle because of Phase 2: only eating things that are mainly chocolate or chicken nuggets.  I've given up trying to beg, plead, yell, hide veggies, and instead offer her what we are eating or an ensure.  She drinks chocolate ensure like it's going out of style.  Hence, I'm surprised that she has anything in her to evacuate when she's at Target.  Phase 3: As soon as we walk in the house from school at 12:15, she says, " can I change into my pajamas?  If I say, we have to go to x,y,z, she begs for at LEAST her slippers.  Now, these slippers are disgusting.   She got them for Chrismtas LAST year, they are like old housewife slip ons.  They are stained, and ripped, and even with almost daily washing...they stink.  But she loves them!  I bought her new slippers for Christmas, but NOOOOOOOOOooooo, she wants her "stinky slippers". 

Back to school tomorrow.  I think we'll all have a hard time waking up. 

But you probably did NOT listen.  Go.  NOW!  Get the damn book.  Beg, borrow, steal (don't steal, you'll lie awake at night and wonder what you have done...) That damn Guernsey Potato Peel Pie and Literary Society.  I cannot put it down.  Can not.  Can't.  Just get it.  I'm reading it and calculating..."how much would it cost to fly there and see this for myself?" and looking it up on google images.

The Christmas blues linger.  I spent most of the day just roaming about the house while the girls watched t.v., played with their new stuff, and stayed in their p.j.s.  I did put in an hour on the bike trainer and sweated up a bunch.  I'm determined to ride that thing as much as I can, given the state (physical) that I am in.

My Dad has come and gone.  He did NOT like my new haircut.  Other than that, it was a good visit.  I do love my Dad so much, I wish that he were closer.  Actually, I wish I were closer.  They get all the snow.  We get 74 degrees! (yes you read that right).  I re read my blog entries from last year and the same weather last year, and the year before and before and before.  I want/need/lust after SNOW.  It's not exactly the snow, it's the excitement, the anticipation, the stopping of the world, the unexpected of SNOW.  Of course, when it snows, I am constantly looking for it to change over to rain and wringing my hands about it.  Back to my Dad, he is something else.  He's such a good dad, and such a good talker, and listener, and grandfather, and husband....He's just the bees knees.

I've been thinking about my blog life.  What a fucking complainer I am.  I guess (this is a big one here) that it's because I am such a pleaser in real life.  Who can I please now?  Who needs pleasing?  Who needs settling?  Who needs mothering?  Who is uncomfortable?  I cannot stand those things myself, so I try so hard to alleviate them in others.  A therapist once told me that this was very GRAND of me, and didn't I think people were capapble of taking care of themselves?  Needless to say, I was very taken aback.  Why be mean to someone who is so full of concern for others?  I still have a hard time digesting that one.  I swear, if pushed, I could harbor (sp?) up some sympathy for O.J., Osama, and any one of the 9/11 bombers.  Maybe they were trying to save their wives and children?  Maybe they had their dear little mothers under lock and key?  I'm a sucker, I know.  I let bees OUT of the house instead of just killing them.

So...get the book.  It will please you.  and me.  In the meantime, I'm going to have to find SOMETHING to do with myself until I go back to work, I'm just a post - christmas lunatic. I'm off to surf my "comfort" blogs to see if anything or anyone out there is doing anything inspiring.  If Flamingo Dancer is reading this...what's up with your blog?  Why can I view it on two different blogging platforms?  Can you explain this to me, I am so confused.

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 Here's Lola on my bed in her stinky slippers.  That is a whole post unto itself.  Why yes, she DOES have her pajamas on in the middle of the day,  Oh, and yes, that IS black fingernail polish on her nails.  And, finally I DO have juvenile print flannel pillowcases on my bed, because my Mother in Law made them and they are damn soft! 

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

Mary Ann Shaffer

Go forth and procure this book!  Scour your local library!  Add it to your to do list.  Get on the waiting list!  IGNORE the blurb on the back by the HATED Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love  that self indulgent twat.  This book is just what I needed to help me through the worst day of the year.  I hate this day.  I always wonder "why, oh why am I feeling so low today, only to be smacked in the side of the head by the realization...it's over.  364 more days to wait until it happens again.  I am one of the mad people who enjoy going out with the other millions on the day before to hunt for one last item.  I love the music, the lights, the crowds, the searching, the wrapping, the cooking, even "church" type things.  And, right now I truly believe that church is generally just a good form of crowd control, (sorry if this is offensive to anyone-that's just where I am with my theological wrestling).  I made all my co-workers pins that had images of the birth of baby jesus.  I just love that story.  I don't necessarily believe it, but it makes a great scene.  I also love the colors in most pictures of this story.  They almost always have ruby red, sapphire blue, and deep, deep purple.  Of course, gold is there too.  Just the whole eastern influence, and the vibrancy of it makes me joyful.  The wise men, the gifts, etc.  So, that was my muse for Christmas gifts.  I guess I was influenced by the environment of the preschool too , however, the pins were a hit.  I also made some for me with abstract winter trees. 

Mr. Felt got me an indoor trainer for my road bike.  This is something that I actually asked for. Between his 4 a.m. - 6 p.m. work schedule and the girls, there is zero time for me to ride my bike.  Also, it's winter here and cold.  So. Trainer is up and running.  Well, I am up and riding the trainer.  However, my butt is SORE!  It's going to take some time to form that lovely saddle butt that is tough enough to withstand my tiny non padded seat.  Lola Felt was amazed that one person could produce so much sweat! 

Hopefully, I'll be feeling a little less depressed/anxious/sad tomorrow.   

Yesterday, of course, was Christmas.  Santa brought the girls a regular (if a little scanter) Christmas.  We took two hours to open presents, and pause to eat coffee and cinnamon rolls.  THEN, the m-i-l brought out HER presents.  Sit down for this one.  800 dollars worth of American Girl stuff.  Well.  One of the girls was literally so overwhelmed that she was crying.  CRYING!  Refusing to even get into the pile of stuff in front of her.

Anyway.  When I woke up this morning, older daughter says..."yesterday was Christmas and I don't even feel like we shared the Christmas spirit."  Honestly, at that moment, I was ready to cannonball her across the yard.

But, thinking about it now.  We opened the mountain of presents.  Dad fell asleep for a long time on the couch.  Girls played with all their new toys (play is not exactly the word....open everything up and look at each piece, then move on to the next thing, leaving a line of trash in their wake, like Hansel and Gretel) while Mom was frantically trying to throw together a Christmas Dinner for family and Air Force friends.  The family staying here were watching movies on the couch and eating bagels (just before my ham is ready!) ugh.

So, by the time everyone was here, had eaten, played with the girls stuff, and were sent packing off to bed, I was exhausted.  But, I hadn't had two minutes to just sit with the girls and enjoy them and their stuff.  So, today, after everyone leaves and before the next wave of relatives arrives, we're going to share the Christmas spirit.  I'm not sure what that means to her, but I'm going to find out.

Here's some of the things that have made me chuckle over the past few days.  AND some that have made me want to cry.

I'll get the crying ones out of the way first.  The ACTUAL RETAIL PRICE of my house right now is 100,000 dollars less than what we paid for it.  AND, guess who is getting ready to move?  Well, in the Air Force you never know...so I guess I won't cry yet. 

Ava is the only one in her school class whose pictures were not posted of their "prove a Scientific Principle" bonanza.  We haven't figured out why.  Needless to say, she is VERY upset.  I'm sure it is just an oversight (there are 50 kids in the program, but she worked really hard.  Hopefully I'll get an answer to this dilemma before Christmas break, because I really don't want to spend ten days convincing Ava that she really does belong in the program and it's not a mistake.  (She really thinks that they screwed up her testing and she's not really smart at all!)  Her project was Air has weight.  Hmmm....I had to think about that one too.  Gravity?  yup no problem there.  Air?  I'm still scratching my head.  She definitely gets the smarts from the Dad.  She gets the emotions from the Mom.

Ava is back to sleeping on the floor next to my bed.  I hope it is just inherited Christmas Crazies.  Don't know.  I looked down at 3 a.m. when I got up to roam around and she actually moved out of the way.  OOH, I felt like the worst mother, it was cold, so I just said, "hey, get in the bed."  Then we played "musical beds" until Bob left at 5.  I slept like a baby from 6:30 until 6:42. 

Okay, now for the laughing.  Some of you have already heard this. 

Lola called Ava a bad word.  Well, it's a bad word if you use it in a certain context.  In another context it can be merry, happy, joyful, and bring out all kind of wonderful childish delight in you.  However, you have to repeat this word three times in order for it to be okay.  I guess that is confusing when you are five.  She said, "Ava you are a HO!"  And then, my head imploded and I ripped her a new one and was really into my rant when I realized that we had just had the conversation about HO HO HO being different from just HO and she apparently was confused.  On the same theme, one of my students who mainly speaks Korean came in today and said, BOO! a word which delighted her to no end at Halloween.  I said Boo! back to her, not really thinking about it, until we came across some image or other of Santa and she said BOO! again.  And then I thought, oh...she wants HO HO HO, so we did that for about an hour and a half.  We have a strange one word repetoire there, but now she responds with something other than "yes" for everything, so I think we are making progress.  I KNOW that there are about a thousand korean women in that church who would LOVE to come over and help me out for an hour or so a week, but we don't want to upset the OTHER parents whose kids speak ____________________________. Insert any language here.  It's frustrating to have the option available and not be able to use it.  However, this is a Christmas post, not a I'm mad at my boss rant.

Petco is advertising on their store window, and I quote..."Your dog will love our sugar cookie spa treatment package!"  There's all sorts of wrong in this statement.  First of all, who puts dog and spa in the same sentence?  Also, do dogs really like sugar cookies?  Bacon cookies, of course, but sugar?  Third, I don't have enough time or money to get myself a freaking sugar cookie spa package, would I do it if I had a dog????

Every child I know except my two maniacs have gotten haircuts in the last week.  Is this a new rule?  Santa will only come if your hair is cut and you are sleeping.

Two stores I went into had all their Christmas stock at 80% off and had their Valentine's stuff in the prominent place.  ONE STORE...had EASTER stuff out already!!!!!!  Seriously, just make a huge display of coffins and get it over with. 

My class had a cookie party today and one table in particular, I looked over, and three children at the same time had their spoons IN THE FROSTING CONTAINER and were having a battle royal over who could get the most in their mouth before going back again!  The fourth was just pouring sprinkles directly into his mouth from the little jar.  All the parents were standing there, talking back and forth and having a grand old time, while all of this is going on.  My teacher voice said "okay, I think we're good with all the decorating at this table...who wants to play?" 

I had all my students take one bite (only one) out of a gingerbread man, and then hand it back to me.  (they got a new one to eat whole) and they ALL bit off the head.  Every single one.  Completely ruined my awesome bulletin board idea where I made a visual graph of who ate the head, arms, leg etc.  I had to eat an arm just to put something in that spot.  Mrs. B ate hers in one bite.  Which I thought was hysterical.  We had repeat kids the next day, and I pulled her aside and said, hey do that gingerbread schtick again, and she was like, "huh?"  I thought SURELY one of the kids would pull the same thing, but nope.  Heads again.  When she threw hers back in one bite, they were all rolling like they'd never seen it before.  Easy crowd.  I could sell all those seats every day!

Finally, nothing is more funny at Christmas time, or any time, to a three year old, is snot.  Especially drippy, defying gravity, hanging to your chin and then vacuuming it back up snot.  And to end this mostly school rant...three year olds must have the best snot projection of any age group.  One sneeze and the entire blue table is covered with it...like I went over their heads with a spray bottle. Purell anyone?